Random Reviews
Wonder if this is where Lionel Richie got his idea for...Once....Twice...Three times a lady!? :) |
SRU: The Whistle of Change Details |
I saw the hyperboard that you were requesting some feedback, to tell you the truth thats one of my gripes.At this point you have started a story in the middle, thats ok but when I started to read it the bodyswap part went by very fast and then you turned the main character into a piece of clothes.I have to say that this is a peace of a story and I dont think it helps to start in the middle of a story.This is not star wars, you have jumped into the middle of a scene with no character developement. From the viewpoint of the reader, the bodyswap part was useless, it was gone in a few lines, I'm personally into fantsy fetish, so I have been left with an sense, well is that all?The writing and editing are ok but there is no valid story just a chunk of one. Erotic adventures are fun but the turned into a peice of clothes gimmick is just that, something that is enjoyed by a very small minority of people.Keep writing but I would suggest that you stay within genre for a first story. Good luck and there you go honest anon critcism.I liked the inital part but I had no use for the fetish Thanks for writing. |
Mei Ling part 7 Details |
it's cute but a bit too short.try telling the part about the archeology and the curse and the exchange as a flashback. Then you can add a lot more than dialogue allows with descriptions etc.Why didn't the parents play along, or even give them the benefit of the doubt. Knowing their child well, they should realize that the swap occurred just from observing them. Or are Jack and diane skilled actors?because it would take one to fake a bodyswap, and maybe not even a skilled actor could do it well!Good effort, you have a good plot but need to expand it. this is almost an outline with dialogue. Try it again and elaborate. Short short stories are actually harder to write than longer ones!And keep writing! |
Our Body Swap Details |
Dear Karen,I loved the story.. .You captured the essence of the cross dresser's fantasies. There was no explicit sex, but I was turned on. Nice work.Leslie |
A Hidden Talent Details |
The use of language in this story is outstanding. The imagery is so rich that its like eating the most decadent torte you can imagine (without have to worry about your figure :) |
Happy Birthday to Me Details |
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