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RSSas of: 02/24/23
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as of: 04/19/2024
as of: 04/07/2024
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 Look Wizard, I wanted this body, I paid for the spell, and I'm keeping this body! Now skat back to your Spells R Us shop! threatened Bill. |
FICTIONMANIAFiction: Something Invented by the Imagination
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Random Reviews
| Not much to add to what others have said except another affirmative vote. Looking forward to the continuation. --Pervy |
| Friday Night Maid - Part 2 Details |
| Help is on the way! This story ends for me as soon as I reach the second paragraph: "Oh!" Jeff replied as she buckled her seat belt. "Just this, that and the other thing! I mean, she started off by once again thanking me for being such a good sport and helping her out with her act and all! You know, especially in regards to this girl-shit business she laid on me! Then, after she did that, she reassured me! You know, about me and my turning back into a guy! You know, during night! While I'm sound asleep! She also told me that she'd be sending me a whole packet of stuff in the mail and that I should expect to receive it in a week or so! You know, as in she'll be sending me videos of tonight's performance and a whole shit-load of prints all those pictures that she had the Caldron's assistant manager take of me! You know, like when I was dancing or seated at the table! You know, shootin' the shit and clowning around with you and all the rest of the crew!" Jeff says the phrase "you know" 6 times in 12 sentences. He is clearly blathering, shouting on and on about something that doesn't seem so important. Why would he shout every single line in that paragraph? He goes on and on and ON and ON as if he's talking to a COMPLETE IDIOT who didn't know he turned into a woman, danced, etc. When I read that stuff, I feel like an idiot, too. You're insulting my intelligence, Deane, and that's not nice. Just for fun, let's try that paragraph with no exclamation points and all the sentences beginning with "You know..." cut: "Oh!" Jeff replied as she buckled her seat belt. "Just this, that and the other thing. I mean, she started off by once again thanking me for being such a good sport and helping her out with her act and all. Then, after she did that, she reassured me. She also told me that she'd be sending me a whole packet of stuff in the mail and that I should expect to receive it in a week or so." Hey, it's much better. Do you see the difference? Listen to the way people talk in real life, or emulate speech patterns in novels. Read dialogue aloud. Also don't I repeat DON'T overuse cliches. You love them. I'm not sure why but you do. I wish there had been one in the preceding paragraph stronger than "this that and the other thing" so I could tear it apart, too. A phrase like "...to beat the band" can only be used once in a story without arousing disdain. Get it into a story 3 or 4 times and you evoke PURE HATRED. I'm not kidding, either. Cliches like that had better be a focal point in the story (for example, locale) because they stop the flow of the narrative and suspend disbelief. You're a good writer, but you've got some really bad habits and I don't know where you picked them up. Eradicate this "experimental word-smith" stuff if you want readers to care. That's enough tough love for today. |
| Magician's Assistant 4: Car Conversation Details |
| latexslut, this story just gets better with each chapter. The evolving depiction of latexsissy made me shudder with fear, as it did John Phillips. And the psycholigical manipulation of sissyuseless is so delicious. There is so much potential here. This is looking like one of the more decadent stories online and i just love it. Please continue. |
| Introduction to Sissies III Details |
| Cute. Vignettes like this are why I like you, JRD. Corny, yet sentimental. Tim and Julie sure found a win-win this time. |
| S2K: 2nd Story Details |
| An absolutely great story. Fantastic. Had me interested all the way through. I loved the whole slow transition and how you didn't have him change automatically, and had him go through the androgenous stage first. I only wish something like this could happen to me. Please continue with more parts to this well written story. |
| The Picture Album Details |
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